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Get to Know the Man Behind the Beard

Posted May 30, 2013

Offensive lineman Alex Parsons makes people laugh on and off the field.

Offensive lineman Alex Parsons during Week 2 of OTAs. Photo by Tony Gonzales

The Raiders offensive line’s main goal in life is to protect the quarterback. Their second goal is to break RB Darren McFadden loose for touchdowns. But their third goal? Make people laugh.

Alex Parsons is one of the exceptionally funny ones. He makes people laugh on and off the field, including on Twitter. “I just try to make people laugh,” said Parsons. “My daily thoughts, however outrageous they are, whatever pops into my head, so it’ll range from how many Pokémon I have to movie ratings to random thoughts.”

Parsons doesn’t try to be funny; he just is. “It’s more of just trying to have fun, very light-hearted, taking not everything too seriously, which this game is sometimes too serious, so you have to be able to laugh,” said Parsons.

He takes the comedy to the field to try to help relieve nerves before a play. “Really lighten the mood,” explained Parsons. “Guys can have nerves. There’s going to be some tension and some anger, so it’s one of those things where you just have to say some funny stuff or make a random comment to kind of put people in their place and get them out of their head.”

It’s helpful that all of the offensive linemen can joke around with each other. “There’s not a person you can’t joke around with,” said Parsons. “It’s more who can you get to laugh. In the group, it’s more of if we can get Tony [Sparano] to laugh. If we can get Tony to laugh or Tony to smirk or tell us we’re an idiot, then that’s a good day.”

When Parsons isn’t at work, he’s a homebody, except when he’s at the movies. He loves the movies. He likes videogames too. “If it was a Friday night, I’d definitely be in the movie theaters,” said Parsons. “Saturday is more of a mellow day, but Friday night definitely movie theater. Tuesday night, I’d be in front of my XBox because Tuesday is when all of the videogames get released and DVDs.”

The offensive linemen play the movie game and Parsons usually wins. “The movie game – you start with a big movie like one of the ‘Oceans’ movies is a good one to start with and you kind of dwindle down,” explains Parsons. “You have to make the connection between the actors. I used to win because I used to either name like terrible ‘B-movies’ or uncredited actors from movies.”

He enjoys a good dose of television as well, including “Cupcake Wars,” and Parsons knows his sweets. “I don’t like the Sprinkles lady anymore because she’s so judgmental in Cupcake Wars, so judgmental,” he said. “She’ll be like, ‘Your cupcake is just too moist.’ FALSE. No cupcake is ever too moist. It’s either cooked or not cooked and if it’s cooked, it’s delicious.”

T Khalif Barnes is also pretty funny. “He just comes up with the wildest stuff,” said Parsons.

While it’s difficult to determine who is funnier, one thing is for sure - Parsons has the better beard.

Follow Parsons on Twitter: @A_Parsons67

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